By: Madison Gilbert
“Why doesn’t my child believe in themselves?”
This is a question many parents ask when their child struggles with confidence. It’s common to blame social media, peer pressure, or school stress. While those things can play a role, one of the most important—and often overlooked—factors is how a child is raised. Parenting shapes the way children view themselves, the world, and their place in it. A very strict style of parenting, known as authoritarian parenting, may seem helpful at first. After all, it involves structure, rules, and discipline. But research shows that this style can lower a child’s self-confidence over time. When kids grow up in homes filled with rules but lacking emotional warmth and support, they may begin to see themselves in a negative light. As future nurses and healthcare professionals, it’s important that we understand how parenting affects a child’s emotional well-being. We are often the ones who spot early warning signs of emotional distress, especially in children and teens. When we understand how home life impacts mental health, we can offer better support to the children and families we care for.
Let’s start by explaining some key terms.
Authoritarian parenting is a strict way of raising children. Parents who use this method expect their kids to follow rules without question. These parents are often quick to punish and slow to explain. They may believe that being too kind or understanding will make their child “soft” or undisciplined. They may not show much affection or allow their child to express their feelings freely. Self-confidence, also called self-esteem, is how much someone believes in their own abilities and self-worth. Children with healthy self-confidence feel good about who they are. They’re more likely to try new things, take healthy risks, and learn from failure instead of being crushed by it. Another important term is emotional control. This happens when a parent uses guilt, fear, or shame to get their child to behave. Instead of calmly explaining what the child did wrong, the parent might make the child feel like a disappointment. Over time, this can hurt the child’s ability to trust themselves or others.
Why is this so important?
Because when kids don’t feel good about themselves, it affects every part of their lives. A child with low self-confidence might struggle in school, have trouble making friends, or avoid trying new things. They may act out, become very quiet, or seem anxious or sad all the time. As nurses, we often see these behaviors, but we also need to think about what’s causing them. What’s happening at home? Do the child’s caregivers listen to them? Do they feel safe expressing their emotions? A 2024 study by Tang and colleagues, published in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, looked at children aged 7 to 12. The researchers found that when parents used emotional control—like guilt, shaming, or limiting the child’s ability to make choices—those children’s confidence dropped over time. Even worse, the less confident the children felt, the more their parents tried to control them. It became a harmful cycle. This study showed that the emotional side of parenting—how rules are given and how children are treated—matters just as much as the rules themselves. Other research supports this. A study in the Journal of Education, Humanities and Social Sciences found that teenagers raised by very strict parents were more likely to have low self-confidence. These teens often avoided trying new things because they were afraid of failing. They didn’t feel safe making mistakes or asking for help. Instead of seeing failure as a learning opportunity, they saw it as something to be ashamed of. Another study from Frontiers in Psychology showed that strict parenting also affects how children get along with others. Children raised this way had a harder time making friends and working well with classmates. Without emotional support from their parents, these kids struggled to speak up, set boundaries, or express their feelings. As a result, many became isolated or anxious, leading to other mental health challenges. The Nursing and Health Sciences Journal also found a strong link between strict parenting and low confidence. In this study, kids raised by very strict parents were five times more likely to struggle with self-confidence than kids raised in homes with more warmth and understanding. These children were afraid to speak up or try new things. They worried about being punished or judged harshly. Instead of feeling safe, they often felt anxious and alone. This research shows that discipline without love and support can do more harm than good. Sadly, the effects of strict parenting don’t stop when childhood ends. A 2023 study in Frontiers in Psychology found that teens who grew up with this parenting style often carried emotional pain into adulthood. They were more likely to deal with depression, low self-worth, and trouble forming healthy relationships. These kids didn’t learn how to express themselves or ask for help. Many didn’t believe they were good enough, no matter how hard they tried. This long-lasting emotional damage can affect everything from school and work to friendships and romantic relationships.
So, what’s the big takeaway?
When kids grow up in homes with a lot of control but not enough love, their confidence suffers. They start to believe they’re not good enough. They become afraid to speak up or try new things. They may even stop believing in themselves altogether. This is a serious issue that we can’t ignore. As nursing students and healthcare workers, we need to look beyond surface-level behaviors and consider what’s going on at home. Is the child supported? Do they feel safe and heard? If not, we can be part of the solution by encouraging better communication and healthier parenting.
Why should you care?
Because raising emotionally strong, confident kids takes more than rules and discipline—it takes love, trust, and connection. Parents need to set boundaries, yes, but those boundaries should come with kindness and understanding. Children need to know they are loved, even when they make mistakes. They need to know their voices matter. If we want the next generation to grow up healthy and happy, we need to help families create homes that are not just structured—but also safe, loving, and supportive. Every child deserves to feel heard. Every child deserves to feel valued. And every child deserves to grow up knowing they are more than their mistakes—they are worthy of love and confidence.
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